I need to go play in the leaves.

"O God, our Father, we know that by ourselves we can do nothing. If we try to face our work by ourselves, we collapse beneath our burdens and our responsibilities. Our bodies become exhausted; our minds grow weary; our nerves are tensed beneath the strain.

If we try to face our temptations by ourselves, the fascination of the wrong things is too strong. Our resistance is defeated, and we do the things we know we should never do, because we cannot help it.

If we try to face our sorrows by ourselves, there is nothing to heal the wound upon our hearts, nothing to dry the fountain of our tears, nothing to comfort the loneliness which is more than we can bear.

If we try to face our problems by ourselves, we cannot see the right way; and, even when we see it, we cannot take it; and even when we take it, we cannot follow it to the end.

If we try to rid ourselves of faults by ourselves, we are forever defeated; the same sins conquer us; and we are never any farther on."


There is more to this prayer written by H. Norman Wright, but I just really like this part. I feel like it fits where my heart is and has been lately, and it's nice to be supplied the words that I couldn't find on my own. 

learning from the past.

I spent some of this evening reading through my journal from my freshman year of college.  I do this periodically to gain perspective on my life and how I've changed over the years.  I hardly even remember the person who wrote what I was reading today. 
The first conclusion I drew was that she was so self righteous.  She had big dreams of changing the world, and she was confident in her beliefs and her God.  She was excited about serving God with her whole life and loved to talk about him.  She gave up an important friendship because she felt like she was condoning his selfish, sinful behavior.  She spent all summer studying the end times and Revelation and reading the Left Behind series, and was so intrigued.  She lived in a world of black and white.
Now, I am surprised by how skeptical and cynical I have become.
I think, since then, I have experienced reality, and reality is hard.  And now I have the choice of either living in the bitterness of reality or finding a joy that makes living in reality worth it.